2024: Round 1: Is this thing still on?
I've heard of times long gone where the wraps were frequent and the SuperCoach scores were high. Sadly, good scoring has fallen by the wayside but let's see if we can't wrap one or two for old time's sake.
All Hands on Duck 1721 defeats GawnButNotFogarty 1610
A rollercoaster to start off the season between the Moist Succesful team and our perennial Moist Waverer. ToeKnee started off strong on the back of Patty Cripps 135 loosening up those old shoulders and carrying the Blues home, but had too many passengers to get the job done in the end. Over half the team scoring 70 or less makes it hard to win, even with a scary looking midfield (except for Harmes 35, it's not a classic league mate!). The Ducks cashed in on a massive effort from Tom Green 152 and some good forward scoring from the likes of Jezza Cameron 120 and Young Nat Fyfe 102 being enough to bring the crowd favourite home.
First-Pick watch
All Hands on Duck
Jack Macrae DNP - never a great sign when your first pick doesn't make the best 22
GawnButNotFogarty
Tim English 119 - 10 points off predicted but a great start to the year for the big ruckman
Waiver watch
All Hands on Duck
- Alex Pearce in for Brennan Cox - A bad hamstring tear for poor Coxy cemented his fate.
GawnButNotFogarty
- Kane Farrell in for Trent Rivers - Two goals and some run off half back is what we would have hoped for from Rivers tbh.
Winston 1532 defeated by Tasmania's Team 1735
Slip Slop goes smack against Mich Cleary's ill-fated attempt to breach the walls of the proud Moist Southerlies. Not even heroics from Maximus Gawnius Meridius 162 and Zerret 127 could help the Winnies carry some insipid efforts from the likes of Brad Hill 34 (never again!!) and Ryley Sanders 43.
Things were much more even on the side of the Devils, some big scores from the likes of James Rowbottom 142, Harry Cheezels 130 but for the most part a good spread of contributors above that 80ish point mark, even with a forced 60 coming in off the bench.
First-Pick watch
Winston
Max Gawn 162 - A lot of humble pie being eaten by the peanut gallery who thought he was the wrong choice for pick 1.
Tasmania's Team
Christian Petracca 119 - Bang on predicted, solid numbers, huge thighs.
Waiver watch
Winston
- N/A - Mitch mustn't work Mondays or something
Tasmania's Team
- N/A - Probably still updating mailing addresses to get the telegrams sent over from Hobart
WeatherBunnies 1695 defeats 💩HeWhoYellsAtClouds💩 1488
We've gotten our first domestic game of the year out and to absolutely everyone's surprise it's our least imaginative team namer who's demolished her poor husband in front of everyone watching. Leaving a donut on the field has resulted in the equal-worst score of the round for the old fella, who admittedly has a sizable bench (Neale, Walsh, Darcy) ready to come back in at some point. Simpkin too if he ever plays again after having to deal with some standard St Kilda thuggery in the preseason. A workhorse performance from the Bunnies was enough to get her across the line, capped off with a monstrous effort from Luke Ryan 165 in the final game of the round, although it's concerning when a West Coast defender in Barrass 27 can't manage to find the footy despite it living in his half.
First-Pick watch
WeatherBunnies
Clayton Oliver 105 - 35 touches but only 105 points means there's more to come from the AFL's favourite comeback story. Remains to be seen whether the lack of a club bagman will help or hinder his scoring.
HeWhoYellsAtClouds
Nick Daicos 135 - Very handy scoring should help save the AFL from a bit of embarrassment when it gets leaked that they started making his Brownlow victory merch before Round 0.
Waiver watch
WeatherBunnies
- Dyson Heppell in for Tom Barrass - Bringing in a bloke whose average has been steadily declining since 2021 is a bold move, but maybe he's going to keep his spot.
HeWhoYellsAtClouds
- Lachlan Bramble in for Jarrod Berry - Who? He scored well on the weekend but I couldn't pick this guy out of a lineup
- Massimo D'Ambrosio in for Jade Gresham - One of the two ex-saints-player experiments has been culled already for a bloke with an excellent scrabble score.
Dev’s body double 1736 defeats PushyCLINTS 1724
Match of the round by anyone's standards between these two fierce competitors, the Pushiest of CLINTS going nice and early on the crow on the back of big Nank 137, DeadEye Mckay 112 and Nic Newman 107 all firing right out of the gate to start proceedings. The wheels wobbled a bit though as first Crisp 50, then Watson 26, and Ash 47 pulled the handbrake on what could have been a big score. Our resident baywatch-bodied ex-southerner plodded along nicely on the back of Marshall 127 and the bombers best-ons McGrath 131 and Perkins 124, even if his Gold Coast selections (Ellis 57 and Lukosius 37) left a lot to be desired.
Controversially the sealing score was off the back of a 68m (confirmed) run and goal without bouncing from Zac Bailey 68 in the dying seconds of the last game of the round. Surely this won't come back to influence the finals in any way!
First-Pick watch
Dev’s body double
Rowan Marshall 127 - Big points down at the Cattery, although Geelong aren't exactly famous for having a ruckman.
PushyCLINTS
Marcus Bontempelli 126 - Only one point less than Marshall, but somehow a bit disappointing from the Bont. Pretty good first hitout to shake off the rust though.
Waiver watch
Dev’s body double
- Callum M. Brown in for Brandon Ellis - A serviceable second-fiddle to Jesse Hogan's dominant first fortnight.
PushyCLINTS
- N/A - Too busy talking shit in group chats for this trading malarkey
⭐Tingle Tangles⭐ 1787 defeats 💩If it ain't Boak💩 1488
(Thanks) Dan goes bang from international waters (or lands) with the highest score of round 1, against a bloke with more donuts than Daniel at gather round (not even close, actually). Two scores above 150 (Hogan, Rowell) and a third above 130 (Heeney) were the highlights from our jetsetter, although the efforts from some of his 5 Adelaide players leaves a lot to be desired. Then again, something's definitely Boak when your 5 Richmond players include a bloke with hamstrings made of fairy floss (Prestia 13 (inj.)) and someone who I've legitimately never heard of (James Trezise DNP, might not actually be a footballer). Caleb Serong 170 gave a silver lining and proved he's an absolute jet with the top score of the round though, in a performance that has left Victorian media pundits saying "is he new?".
First-Pick watch
Tingle Tangles
Jordan Dawson 82 - Oof. Awful night for the crows but not the sort of performance you expect from the Adelaide skipper.
If it ain't Boak
Brodie Grundy 71 - If he got to take his Round 0 score I suspect Steve would be happier, only 8 disposals on the night is a bit of a letdown in a good performance from the Swannies.
Waiver watch
Tingle Tangles
- Noah Balta in for Alex Witherden - Witherden remains firmly atop the ladder of players-who-aren't-very-good-but-put-up-convincing-enough-supercoach-scores-occasionally-to-fool-you.
If it ain't Boak
- N/A - Probably still looking for some obscure Richmond players to bring in